Tony Krolo's Weblog

LazyBoy

tonykrolo — Thu, 23 Sep 2010 00:09:56 +0000

I don’t want to kvetch but I really have the laziest son going. This guy is so addicted to electronic stimulation he does not want to spend any moment not being stimulated. So he looks for the laziest way out of everything. He was getting pimples on his face and rather than spending two minutes twice each day washing his face, he just wanted to grow his hair over his pimples. He broke laces on his shoes and rather than put on new laces he just wore them unsupported until his feet outgrew the shoes and needed new, already laced shoes. He gets winded coming down the stairs from a 14 hour sleep and just lays on the couch for the next hour or two. He goes on facebook and plays runescape for as long as physically possible or until we catch on to how long it’s been and gets angry when we make him go out of the house to walk the dog, yet his runescape character is an adventurer and his facebook posts makes him sound like he’s the the guy from the Dos Equis commercials. He’s constantly on the computer creating a fictional version of himself because he’s too lazy to actually be somebody. He constantly lies to appear to be a better person because he’d like to be a good person, he just doesn’t want to go through the effort it would take to be that person. You have to force him to eat because he keeps forgetting to so he has no physical energy. I swear he’s either lying or lying down. He’s quite simply the least motivated kid in the world.

Now Weekly!

tonykrolo — Thu, 16 Sep 2010 19:20:26 +0000

Not the Toronto Alternative Mag that won’t write about me because I have too little diversity without having none but that my blog has gone weekly as of these last two blogs. The Prolific Slavic they may soon call me and then maybe I’ll get the cover of Croats Monthly. I’m stuck inside with no other excuses not to blog so here we are. It’s pouring rain outside as it has been all day. I don’t like rainy days. Rainy days and Mondays always gets me down. Not as down as Karen Carpenter, I mean I still have my appetite, but there’s that feeling of dread when you look out at the rain, especially when you have to go out into it. And I have to walk my dog every day rain or shine, especially rain because no one else in my family will do it when it’s raining. And the dog takes the same amount of time on his walk regardless of weather, sniffing every damn bit of piss or shit that every other stupid dog has left for him to say “Hey I’m a dog and I walk around here”. And my dog has find everyone and piss and shit over each one of them and say “Hey I too am a dog and walk around here”, over and over every day the same stupid conversation and I gotta stand there trying to pull him along so I can get back inside and finish this litre of wine before the kids get home and I have to help them with their school work. Ah C’est la Vie..of Le House Husband Lush.

new motto 08 09 10

tonykrolo — Wed, 08 Sep 2010 19:29:28 +0000

I’ve been operating this blog under the premise that I’d only be writing for myself but it turns out I’m very good at doing things for myself. So now I’m assuming there are people reading this and I owe it to them to write these blogs more often. I’m a very lazy guy and I’ve spent the summer lamenting about how lazy my two step-kids have been; watching them day in and day out doing nothing productive in their lives before finally realizing who am I to talk? What kind of nurturing have I been giving, offering no example to follow. I’ve been doing nothing watching them do nothing. It’s like spending all day at a strip club complaining of all the losers that go to the place and how long they spend there. Heal thyself Physician! And something about glass windows and stones, it was a Billy Joel album I think. Anyway I’m getting busy again. The kids are at school, we have a new car so my Wife is gone everyday now, taking it to work so I have absolutely no excuse. I had planned to write this blog about shits I have and what they mean in my life but I’ve got a Wife, two kids that aren’t mine and a dog that isn’t any of ours and they all got funny shit I can write about them. and I will…starting tomorrow. Over to Sports…
I really think this is my year for all 5 of my teams. Last year the Als, Lakers and Chelsea all won titles and the Habs surprised with a good playoff showing but the Rams stunk it up big time going 1-15 and the first draft pick. So this year they will join the others and have a great season. So say me. New Me.

SHITTY SHIT April29,2010

tonykrolo — Fri, 30 Apr 2010 00:25:18 +0000

I had a shitty shit today. A shit that was full of shit. Which is appropos or apoopoo to fit the theme I’m going with because I’ve been in a shitty mood lately. Things have been shit for me work-wise and I haven’t been taking care of my shit responsibility-wise at home. I’ve been smoking too much shit and then shooting the shit with buddies and forgetting the shit I’m supposed to be doing. I should be the shit in comedy because I’m a funny guy with great stage-presence and not the worst thing to look at and yet I’m scared shitless to stand up for myself and do the really good shit I’m capable of. People just think of me as a good shit and a consistent comic who won’t shit the bed at any show but they don’t give that you’re the shit respect. I got to shit or get off the pot…. literally.

Friday Night Off On the Road

tonykrolo — Sat, 12 Dec 2009 04:06:59 +0000

Friday December 11th 2009, the first friday in over 20 years on the road that i don’t have a gig. And in the middle of December Christmas comedy season no less. I should have known this morning when I took a dump that looked liked my own shit giving me the finger, complete with the knuckles on each side for good measure.
I’ve spent six days on the road between gigs away from from my family and my ass was telling me that it’s just wrong and I shouldn’t be here.
I left a note book of new bits I’m working on at the Yuks club in Calgary and now it’s gone, probably in the hands of the next “Tony Krolo”. I hope he has better luck with my jokes than I do. I need to find a better way to make a living so I can be with my loved ones more. I wish I could be paid to be a kept Man. But I’m not a keeper.
I remember the last time I was this crushed on a Friday was probably 15 years ago and Bill Hicks was featuring at the Yuk Yuks in Toronto and I had one-nighters on the Thursday and Saturday of that week but I had the Friday off. So I thought, great, I’ll take the night for myself and come down to the club and just be a fan and watch the show from the audience. I stop in the green room to introduce myself to Bill as a fellow comic and fan coming down to watch his show. He looks at me and says “A Comic not working on a Friday night, I bet you’re really funny” and turned away from me. I was devastated and spent the show just huffing and puffing and feeling sorry for myself. And now he’s dead and I’m still not funny enough to be working every Friday night.
Who won that exchange I wonder?

Hellifax

tonykrolo — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 19:02:11 +0000

October 29th

I’m in Halifax, Nova Scotia staying at The Westin Hotel in a large suite that is permanently inhabited by a Lawrence Morgenstern. Those that are in horror just thinking of that prospect only say that because they know him and have spent time in close quarters. But I say hey, he’s an alright guy if he’s only there one day and then leaves for two and then is there for one and then you leave and that’s it for seeing him for awhile, then yes, he’s quite tolerable..those two days away. I’ll say also that the bathtub/shower here is quite deep. It was quoting Nietzsche and everything. It said, “It ‘taint whatcha do, it’s the way thatcha do it”. I think that’s Nietzsche or maybe it’s Fun Boy Three. Anyway the Shower is right, it is the way that you do it. And the way I had a shit in Lawrence’s bathroom was mindblowing! I’ll say one word – Hydraulics.

I’ll also try to say more, more often.

Tony

Procrastination: Ah, I’ll look it up later.

tonykrolo — Sat, 12 Sep 2009 19:07:11 +0000

Here it is my inaugural blog and only 1 year to the day of when it was set up for me! The 1 year anniversary of me not doing my blog ends with me doing my blog and starting a new anniversary. It’s also one day after the anniversary of the 9/11 attacks. Perfect. One day for reflection and sorrow for the most heinous act done on American soil, then the next day it’s back to talking about what kind of shit you had and how your sports teams are gonna do this year.

I had two nugget-filled shits, about three nuggets a piece and I think the Rams are going to go above .500 and sneak into the playoffs, The Als will win the Grey Cup, The Habs will disappoint again and go out in the first round, The Lakers won’t repeat and Chelsea will win the Premiership.

The only advice I’ve taken into account in attempting a blog is that one should write as if he is only writing to himself. That should be easy since I don’t plan to tell anyone I even have a blog and my mother doesn’t have a computer. So I say to every me out there, enjoy the the little slices of me in every log.

TONY IDEA : I think there should a dating service for busy professionals that just want meet a willing stranger for sex at a motel in the afternoon. I’d call it “It’s Just A Quickie”.

bye

Hello world!

tonykrolo — Fri, 12 Sep 2008 17:15:12 +0000

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